Emotions

I realized tonight that I’m not that strong. I’m not as tough as I thought I was. I can only fake it for so long before I break down. You hurt me. You said you wouldn’t, and you didn’t do it on purpose, but you hurt my heart. I thought I’d be fine. I thought I could hold on and be ok, but I was wrong.

I thought I had you. I thought you were coming back to me. The signals I got from you told me you were. But you didn’t. You didn’t come back. You didn’t respond to me. I said I wouldn’t cry, but here I am.

I want to yell and scream but I don’t have the right.

I want to tell you that you hurt me, but why?

I’m not ok. I’m not. I’m hurting and trying to get over it.

I thought you’d be here. I thought I’d be holding you, and I’m not.

My heart aches.

But I love you. I love you so much. I don’t want out. I still want you. Please never forget that.

Remember what I told you today?

“Yes. I would marry a woman. Yes I’d be a mom. Yes I would explain it to my family. They could get on board or they could quit speaking to me. I’ll remind them that you don’t choose who you love. And I’m going to do what’s best for me. The only opinions that matter in this would be yours mine and his.”

I meant it. I meant every word. Let me give those things to you. Give me that chance.